Wanderlust // longing

I've been thinking a lot today, which means two posts in two days.

Any artist knows the feeling of inspiration and knows the dread that is a lack of creativity. A lot of times I will create something late into the night when everything is vivid and be so content with the work, but will wake up the next morning and consider throwing it in the trash. This discouragement often hinders progression for me, because I feel as though I will never produce something worth being experienced by someone other than myself.

It has been a long while since I've written a song I'm truly happy with, and very rarely have I recently created art I enjoy looking at. How do I overcome this block and how do I progress in my skill? I'll pray about it and get back to you on that.

Part of this longing for creativity is matched with a longing for freedom. I spend many nights waiting for a time when I can decide I'm going somewhere and immediately depart. I'm waiting for a day that I can grab my guitar and a notebook and go on an adventure, go see the world.

Freedom is imminent and often seemingly unreachable. It's acquired slowly, and it often has nothing to do with rights. A lot of times, it has something to do with the fact that whatever's going on in our life prevents us from doing what we are so eager to do. I pray that there is a day when I can stare at my bucket list and think to myself, Well, I guess I better go and write another. This one is useless now that I've finished it.

Have a rad day.

Maddy

Random Thought No. 3

Who I want to be // if I should pursue this

There are two parts of a person: who they are currently and who they are striving to be. The second is changing constantly and the first doesn't change very quickly. The second is a decision; the first is the result of that decision.

Who I am as of today: a loud girl who is very open about most things, who enjoys playing instruments at great volumes, who can't describe it all in one sentence.

Who I want to be: a quieter girl who is very open about most things, who enjoys playing instruments at great volumes, who can easily define herself, who posts hipster pictures on Instagram, who writes fearlessly and creates endlessly, who enjoys life constantly, who embraces difficult situations.

The second sounds much more like-able than the first, but how do I become this person, and should I? When we try to become someone different, the world around us shifts as it realizes we are, too. The way I see it, we should definitely strive to be the person we want to be. How do we start?

I enjoy making lists, and I don't know if you can change who you are through a checklist, but I'm sure going to try:
- Post a hipster picture on Instagram.
- Compliment everyone you meet.
- Write a story.
- Make a song.
- Quit complaining.
- Eat a strawberry.
- Encourage someone.

Maybe if we're constantly trying to be this new person who we've always dreamed of being, one day we'll wake up and realize, somewhere along the way, we became that person. Maybe we should embrace who we are, but it seems strange to stop trying to be better.

Maddy

Random Thought No. 2

Apologies // twenty one pilots // a cloud of witnesses // hipster?

I have four orders of business today, and I want to get to the point hastily so that I don't waste your time.

I. I am apparently no good at scheduled posting. I offer my sincerest apologies and a decision to post when I feel it is necessary. That would be good for both of us, don't you think? Okay, glad you agree.

II. I need to recommend some music to you. Do you have ten bucks? If the answer is yes, immediately go and buy the album Vessel by the band 'twenty one pilots.' Okay, don't do that if you hate rap. Give them a chance on YouTube, though!

I was so intrigued by this band when I began diving into their music because in today's culture we embrace songs as long as they have a nice beat and are fun to sing. The thing about twenty one pilots is that they're not only catchy and party-applicable, they strive to craft lyrics that provoke thoughts. There is a repeated verse in Holding On To You that asks the question, "Is it time to move our feet to an introspective beat?" These two guys are wanting you to not only enjoy their music, but to reflect on it and decide how it affects you. I think that's beautiful.

III. A few weeks ago, I was studying for a test and got a call that led to me writing a lesson for a bible study that was going to take place in about an hour. Thankfully, I had been inspired by my copy of Jesus Calling recently and was able to whip out a devotional easily. While doing so, I read a couple verses that just gutted me. In Hebrews 12:1-2 it's almost as though I'm being told, You've got so many Christians encouraging you - why wouldn't you try your best to do better?

IV. There are so many interpretations of the archetypal 'hipster' that it's actually really confusing as to what this actually is. I'd like to express my opinion on this. I feel as though there are two different ways we use the word 'hipster,' one of them being a noun and one of them being an adjective. When used as a noun (ex. You're a hipster.), this word is often derogatory. Most of the time, hipsters are classified as someone who refuses to like something because it is well known. Even if they were on the bandwagon first, they refuse to stay on it once the capacity begins to increase. This often leads to the reason we classify certain things as 'hipster,' which is how I'm going to transition into the second meaning of the word, the adjective. When you say that something is hipster, you're probably indicating that it's underground or indie, or a hipster would probably enjoy it. Sometimes I'm called a hipster and sometimes I'm called hipster, and I happen to enjoy the latter much more than the former.

I hope your day is grand, and if it isn't, chin up, buttercup. It ain't no thing but a chicken wing.

-Maddy

Making Things

I'm going to express why summer is an essential time, not just because of the opportunity to do nothing, but the chance to create.

I have been writing stories since I was able, and have a severe passion for combining the symbols contained by the alphabet to make something that exists separate from the page. I've been playing guitar for about three years, and have developed a love for music that has led me to learning ukulele and mandolin, writing songs, and spending a magnanimous amount of time learning music. I have always made art, and continue to do so. In the past year I have discovered the joy of photography, and I have been a book lover since preschool. It is all of these things that cause me to yearn for summer.

From June to August there are ubiquitous events hosted by my church, bringing the family there closer than they are the rest of the year. Additionally, it is during these three warm months I often find myself creating. Creating music, creating art, creating photos, creating stories. This extra time allows for growth in areas that I cannot practice during the work-filled months that follow these. It allows me to grow closer to God. There are campfires, there is a cappella worship, there is a sense of contentment that can only come from the thought, I can do this now, because there is nothing important tomorrow. So much more is experienced because nothing is planned and nothing must be.

This is why I want summer and this is why it's important to me. I will wait, but it feels as though I can't.

(Random thought No. 1)

First Post // Sunday Thoughts

I could sit here for hours wondering how to begin the post that will be the inception of this blog. As I lay in bed in a dark hotel room, I'm listening to the music of Jj Heller, checking Twitter periodically, and texting a friend of mine. Overall, I'm not doing anything productive. But now I'm typing and you're ostensibly reading my words. I'm also making a decision, and the decision is this; I'm going to do this every Sunday. The whole sharing-my-thoughts thing is going to become a weekly event, so if you want to come here again, go for it. I'll probably post once or twice throughout the week, but Sunday is definite. Okay? I'm being organized, here.

Alright, let's get down to business.

I'm not going to lie to you. My life is pretty great right now. I'm surrounded by people who build me up, I'm doing well in school, I've got time to do things I want to do, and it's almost summer. Things really couldn't be much better. It's crazy how great this year has been. God has put a lot of people in my life that have and are currently helping me, for one. This is a big deal. I've always had a plethora of good friends who have had my back and are generally nice. It's because of this that I was so blown away by how great an impact these new people have made on me. I've learned that things are actually better without sarcastic comments and I'm just kidding being taken out of the vocabulary of a group. Being built up by others is powerful and rare in the world today, and I've been blessed with people who do this.

Let's go back to the sarcasm thing I mentioned a few sentences ago. God instructs us to use our words to build each other up instead of tearing each other down (Ephesians 4:29). All my life I've justified sarcastic comments by telling myself, It's not rude if they know I'm joking, and, It won't offend them, they're too confident for that. As it turns out, God directly tells us that 'joking' can definitely hurt others (Proverbs 26:18-19). He compares it to shooting arrows into a crowd - you don't know who you're going to hurt. Blindly throwing out insults and quickly taking them back is almost certain to hurt someone. This was brought to my attention by the book Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. It's because of this book that I've decided to get rid of sarcasm, 'joking,' and whining (Philippians 2:14-16).

Lastly, I recently began reading the Unwind Dystology by the brilliant Neal Shusterman. I'm on book three right now, and have avidly recommended it to a few friends. One of them went ahead and picked it up and is currently on book two. The idea of this book is a world where parents can sign their teenagers up for something called Unwinding, where the child's entire body is donated and used for transplants. Obviously, there is some serious moral controversy among the people in this world. The terrifyingly dark idea is crazy, and is widely accepted by the people of this alternate America. The acceptance is almost as terrible as the act itself. I was discussing with my friend a certain part in the second book where a character who believes that families should tithe one of their children for God is being lectured by an ex-believer of this same doctrine on how it is not biblically correct. The lecturing character states that our life is a blessing, and that God's gifts to us are ours to enjoy; trying to give it back would be an insult to him. I was incredibly surprised by this, because, though human tithing would not be biblical, it would be for a completely different reason. Yes, our life is a gift from God. No, God's blessings aren't ours to enjoy. It is our duty to use these blessings to bring glory back to Him. This is why tithing of a person would be against God's will; it would be directly stopping a child of God from continuing their work in His field. I hope that you will keep this misconception in mind as you go do whatever you're about to - God did not bless you because He wanted your life to be leisurely. He blessed you because He wanted you to use His gift for Him (I know this book is an extremely sad example, but it got the point across).

Have a wonderful week and a beautiful day, and keep your mind on things that are better than most.