Wanderlust // longing

I've been thinking a lot today, which means two posts in two days.

Any artist knows the feeling of inspiration and knows the dread that is a lack of creativity. A lot of times I will create something late into the night when everything is vivid and be so content with the work, but will wake up the next morning and consider throwing it in the trash. This discouragement often hinders progression for me, because I feel as though I will never produce something worth being experienced by someone other than myself.

It has been a long while since I've written a song I'm truly happy with, and very rarely have I recently created art I enjoy looking at. How do I overcome this block and how do I progress in my skill? I'll pray about it and get back to you on that.

Part of this longing for creativity is matched with a longing for freedom. I spend many nights waiting for a time when I can decide I'm going somewhere and immediately depart. I'm waiting for a day that I can grab my guitar and a notebook and go on an adventure, go see the world.

Freedom is imminent and often seemingly unreachable. It's acquired slowly, and it often has nothing to do with rights. A lot of times, it has something to do with the fact that whatever's going on in our life prevents us from doing what we are so eager to do. I pray that there is a day when I can stare at my bucket list and think to myself, Well, I guess I better go and write another. This one is useless now that I've finished it.

Have a rad day.

Maddy

Random Thought No. 3

Who I want to be // if I should pursue this

There are two parts of a person: who they are currently and who they are striving to be. The second is changing constantly and the first doesn't change very quickly. The second is a decision; the first is the result of that decision.

Who I am as of today: a loud girl who is very open about most things, who enjoys playing instruments at great volumes, who can't describe it all in one sentence.

Who I want to be: a quieter girl who is very open about most things, who enjoys playing instruments at great volumes, who can easily define herself, who posts hipster pictures on Instagram, who writes fearlessly and creates endlessly, who enjoys life constantly, who embraces difficult situations.

The second sounds much more like-able than the first, but how do I become this person, and should I? When we try to become someone different, the world around us shifts as it realizes we are, too. The way I see it, we should definitely strive to be the person we want to be. How do we start?

I enjoy making lists, and I don't know if you can change who you are through a checklist, but I'm sure going to try:
- Post a hipster picture on Instagram.
- Compliment everyone you meet.
- Write a story.
- Make a song.
- Quit complaining.
- Eat a strawberry.
- Encourage someone.

Maybe if we're constantly trying to be this new person who we've always dreamed of being, one day we'll wake up and realize, somewhere along the way, we became that person. Maybe we should embrace who we are, but it seems strange to stop trying to be better.

Maddy

Random Thought No. 2

Apologies // twenty one pilots // a cloud of witnesses // hipster?

I have four orders of business today, and I want to get to the point hastily so that I don't waste your time.

I. I am apparently no good at scheduled posting. I offer my sincerest apologies and a decision to post when I feel it is necessary. That would be good for both of us, don't you think? Okay, glad you agree.

II. I need to recommend some music to you. Do you have ten bucks? If the answer is yes, immediately go and buy the album Vessel by the band 'twenty one pilots.' Okay, don't do that if you hate rap. Give them a chance on YouTube, though!

I was so intrigued by this band when I began diving into their music because in today's culture we embrace songs as long as they have a nice beat and are fun to sing. The thing about twenty one pilots is that they're not only catchy and party-applicable, they strive to craft lyrics that provoke thoughts. There is a repeated verse in Holding On To You that asks the question, "Is it time to move our feet to an introspective beat?" These two guys are wanting you to not only enjoy their music, but to reflect on it and decide how it affects you. I think that's beautiful.

III. A few weeks ago, I was studying for a test and got a call that led to me writing a lesson for a bible study that was going to take place in about an hour. Thankfully, I had been inspired by my copy of Jesus Calling recently and was able to whip out a devotional easily. While doing so, I read a couple verses that just gutted me. In Hebrews 12:1-2 it's almost as though I'm being told, You've got so many Christians encouraging you - why wouldn't you try your best to do better?

IV. There are so many interpretations of the archetypal 'hipster' that it's actually really confusing as to what this actually is. I'd like to express my opinion on this. I feel as though there are two different ways we use the word 'hipster,' one of them being a noun and one of them being an adjective. When used as a noun (ex. You're a hipster.), this word is often derogatory. Most of the time, hipsters are classified as someone who refuses to like something because it is well known. Even if they were on the bandwagon first, they refuse to stay on it once the capacity begins to increase. This often leads to the reason we classify certain things as 'hipster,' which is how I'm going to transition into the second meaning of the word, the adjective. When you say that something is hipster, you're probably indicating that it's underground or indie, or a hipster would probably enjoy it. Sometimes I'm called a hipster and sometimes I'm called hipster, and I happen to enjoy the latter much more than the former.

I hope your day is grand, and if it isn't, chin up, buttercup. It ain't no thing but a chicken wing.

-Maddy